the leaving feeling

I get that leaving feeling, this time it’s here to stay

I’ve been weighing up the pulling and pushing me away.

the past is so heavy but it’s something I can’t leave

and this future is so certain it just pushes me to my knee

Is that your heart talking or just that befuddled mind?

the people that you love they change when you leave them behind.

But this rope that is pulling is whittled down to a thread

and if I don’t start climbing pretty soon it’ll be over my head

we all have dreams of leaving we all want to make a new start,

go and pack a little suitcase with the pieces of our hearts.

all those worries and those sorrows we can just toss them away,

buy a coffee and a paper and those step on to a train.

But I’ve been too long wandering limping around this town

with everything that’s pulling me is pulling me further down.

Go make all your excuses, go say all you goodbyes

but take a look in the mirror it’s the hardest one you’ll ever find.

all those worries and those sorrows you can just toss them away.

go find a new tomorrow and forget about your yesterdays.

so go and pat your kids and kiss your dog goodbye,

leave your keys on the nail with the sadness that’s in your eyes.

Maybe tomorrow, today looks like it’s bringing rain and I’ll leave everything in order

I don’t want nothing standing in my way there are jobs that need tending

and the logs that are waiting to stack and I’ll leave everything in order

I don’t want nothing that’s going to hold me back

Άρκεψεν τζαι πκιάνει μαι. Ήμουν ψύχραιμη… ως πριν 2 λεπτά.

Τη Δευτέρα φκαίνουν οι δουλειές.

Θα έχω δουλειά? Σε πκοιο μέρος της Αγγλίας?

Πραγματικά δεν έχω ιδέα. Καρτερώ τα ούλλα…

Που το να μεν έχω δουλειά ως το να είμαι 1 ώρα μακριά που το Λονδίνο (γιατί να είμαι μες το Λονδίνο είναι μαθηματικά αδύνατο).

Απλά ελπίζω να μεν είμαι στο τελευταίο 10% του τεστ που εκάτσαμε το Δεκέβρη (situational judgement τάχα- nothing to do with actual medicine). Γιατί τζείντο 10% είπαν ότι εν θα πκίασει δουλειά.

Αν είμαι σε τζείντο 10% …

Χμμ….easy, θα κάτσω τα finals απλά για να τελειώσω το πτυχίο. Θα έρτει ο Ιούνης τζαι θα φορτώσω container για την Κύπρο. Θα βρω κάπως τρόπο να ξεκινήσω preregistration στη Κύπρο…ας εν τζαι Πάφο. Τζαι μετά θωρούμεν.

Αν έπκια δουλειά.

Δεν θα απογοητευτώ που εν θα μαι Λονδίνο ή που θα είμαι θεωρητικά Λονδίνο γιατί με το χαμηλό σκορ που θα χω εν να με σε ένα κωλοχωρκό στα πέρα – καμία σχέση με Λονδίνο. Θα πηαίνω κάθε ΣΚ στην αρφή μου που θα εν στο zone234987 πας την Central. Ας εν τζαι τζείνο.

Αν δεν είμαι στες περιοχές που τάχα καλύφκει το Λονδίνο τότε σημαίνει ότι έχω μιαν πολλά χάλια βαθμολογία που αν με βάλει στες περιοχές του Cambridge υπάρχει πιθανότητα να είμαι King’s Lynn, Ipswich, Peterborough που εν πουστοτοποι με τίποτε να κάμνεις στον ελεύθερο σου χρόνου (σαμπώς τζαι στο Cambridge έσιει αλλά nevermind…).

Αν πάλε εν τόοοοοσοοοο χάλια η βαθμολογία μου που μπω στο deanery του Nottingham πάλε εν ναν πολλά δύσκολο να βρω jobs in actual Nottingham, even though i would love to. Cos that means i ll be with Jojo and Sav…

All these years of studying, trying, saying no to some of my urges in order to do the ‘rational’ are concluding.

Most likely it’s gonna be a disaster cos i am pretty sure i fucked the S-J-T up. And my academic score was quite low as well (44/50) (fucking obs and gynae and paeds oskis).

Would i do my life again?

Simple: NO

i would have never cared about academic matters, i would have never wished to have gone to a good uni.

I would just flow.

Just like i am now.

No expectations or whatsoever.

No goals or whatsoever.

No opinions or whatsoever.

No planning or whatsoever.

No trying to control future situations or whatsoever.

Life is simple.
If you wake up: woohooo you ve just made it through to another day.
Have you managed to laugh for more than 10mins each day or at least something entertained you? = Pure success.

Can you actually manage to lie back on your pillow and close your eyes and sleep? = Boy, you are doing brilliantly.

And the job…job satisfaction…meh i stopped believing in that…
I probably won’t even get to choose my specialty no matter how much i would love to do haematology.
I will just be allocated to a specialty after one application.

So yeh if i was gonna do it all again, i would have never done any of it.

I would ve been a teacher somewhere with an average salary after doing a 3 year degree and a masters somewhere in England or Greece or whatever.

That’s what most of my classmates have been doing that have not studied Accounting/ Business Management/ Marketing {and are therefore by definition chartered accountants, or in a business somewhere) and they seem to be happy with a salary that can sustain their going out habits and having a roof on top of their head.

Maybe i am talking bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong, i obviously love what i am learning and doing BUT real life is a long way from that.

Ideal does not exist.

We shall see!

4 Responses to the leaving feeling

  1. Dreamer says:

    εν τζιε καταλαβα πολλα που τουτα που ειπες, αλλα εχω θκιο φιλους νοττινχαμ (πως σκαταγραφεται στα ελληνικα;) που τους φωναζω jojo τζιε sav. λες;

  2. Anonymous says:

    re gamwti mou, extes to prwi ekatsa j egrapsa sou mian olokliri paragrafo comment j profanws en irten pote!! alopws etzimoumoun telia panw mou! eleos pion!!
    loipon, to savvato sou elea na kameis ypomoni k na perimeneis prwta ap’ola na deis ti tha ginei ti deutera (simera! alithkeia ti egine? efkikan oi douleies?) k meta na stenoxwritheis agxwtheis xareis!
    episis, panta nomizoume oti to grasidi stin alli pleura en pio prasino alla eimai sigouri oti an eginesoun daskala p.x. den tha isoun eutixismeni giati den einai touto pou agapas. To kathe epaggelma exei tis diskolies tou, en kalitera omws na kamneis kati pou agapas k na ekneurizesai me tzina pou pisteueis oti xaneis logw tou dyskolou wrariou i me to poso psyxofthoro einai. Eilikrina pisteuw oti to epaggelma sou k oi dyskolies k o tropos me ton opoio mathaineis na tis xeirizesai k na tis antimetwpizeis xtizoun xaraktira.
    You rock RoAm j men ptoise, mpora einai tha perasei. Ate elpizw ola na epian kala simera!!!

  3. Anonymous says:

    ah eksexasa na pw : Proud Weirdo edw, over

  4. pemou an theleis na klisoume tickets gia amsterdam!!

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