attributes and attitudes expected in the profession

i clearly dont suit the profession
should ve been rejected from med school altogether 4 years ago, would ve saved me loads of money and stress.
they should be more thorough with their entrance rather than their exit i guess…

man im definitely not cut out to practise.
i sooooo lack common sense
i am not good with interpersonal relationships really…it’s not an innate skill of mine. intalws katafernw je opou me spireis kamnw parees en katalavw, it has always been a bit of a mystery to me.
and no dear iatriko council:
i don’t want to stay at my job for 3 days in a row because my on call colleagues or whatever have not turned up to work
i don’t want to work in a system where i have to say ‘yes sir’ to the person doing the rota who is sitting behind a computer in the basement.

I have to depart depart depart.
i need my independence more than my need to be a ‘medical doctor’ (pou edw pou ta leme, nobody trusts doctors anymore, the salary is shit compared to the other professions and responsibilities, you dont really do any good – the good is done by carers and nurses oh and nature really-).

Thank goodness tin Pempti ws tin Kyriaki erkete enas pareas mou pou he is a real dedicated surgeon etsi en na me krata busy je en 8a skeftoumai synexeia inta failure pou eimai. 8avmazw tin ypomoni je tin epimoni tu.

En voi8a ka8olou ka8olou ka8olou to gegonos oti akoma kamnw psychiatry. Oulli mera mes to depression, to psychosis, ta personality disorders, to anxiety in combination me to vulnerability mou na eshiei xtypisei kojjino (well i guess its been 4 years since i last felt this shit) en lethal combination. countertransference sto max, se llio en na arke4w na 8orw je gw a8rwpous na xwnountai poupisw pou tous 8amnus epidi en secret agents tis MI5 je allo llio en na arke4w na akouw fwnes na rkountai pou to yperperan na mou laoun “eisai ena poushtoui, kamneis ta oulla pouttous”.
{schizophrenia is probably the most fascinating disease i have ever come across but i don’t recommend you try this at home}

I am ready to give it all up i guess.
There’s more to life than this and i am not willing to spend another second feeling shit about how fucked up i should really feel (cos overall i would give my mood a decent 8/10 alla aman me piaei to dip diw tou enan 4/10).

8elw na paw spiti
je en 8elw kanenas ma kanenas na me rwtisei inta eidikotita en na kamw
en 8elw na me rwtisei kanenas inta pou prepei na kamei gia to vigxa tou
en 8elw na me rwtisei kanenas gia tes doulies mou tou xronou
en 8elw na me pei kanenas giatrena giati jintin wra en na luvisoun ta misa tou mprostina dogkia.

I wanna be me for a change.
To shisto mou a
sometimes i do feel as if i ve been stripped off of myself, and i am guessing that’s partly due to spending most of my year in the UK. Pernw kala, exw pas tous 0239482039412 ‘filous’ je tsakrw pou to gelio very often alla gamwto kerato mou it doesn’t feel all that fulfilling.

(je oi en exw Borderline personality disorder – eidete aaaa meta pou 6 vdomades ema8a gyrw sta 5 pramata pou to psychiatry…giati ws gnwston im a last minute person and my psych ‘test’ is in a weekish where by that time i aspire to learn the ICD-10 po3w -not-).

On a more cheerful note
i managed not to kill myself today san odigousa mes ta rural roads of Suffolk to Cambridge pou en exoun fws je exoun strofes 80 moires ka8e 25 metra. An je se mia fasi eida ton xaro titsiro, i mallon ton 8amno je tin avli tu spi8kiu mes ti mesi tou poupote.

And on that happy note

ps: i dont expect you to say
(1) it will get better
(2) you ll be fine
(3) think of worse things that can happen (trust me i can do that on my own)
(4) be thankful you ll have a job you arrogant middle class lefkosiatissa that all your wishes have been becoming true since you were 0 and now that you face a difficulty you are ready to pack it up and run (i am more than adequate at that as well

should i post this
should i not
i ve never censored my posts really
but why would you care about me to begin with.
plus, is it a shame to declare you are NOT really coping?
i am a big fan of DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE
but equally i don’t want words of encouragement etc
Until Friday my sisters and then it’s Moscow. haaa
Until Friday and then i begin a proper job hunt and i will construct my finals timetable cos if i do eventually go through with the rest of my degree not passing is not an option.

3 Responses to attributes and attitudes expected in the profession

  1. blacksheepsays says:

    Γεια σου RoAm! Δεν πειράζει να μιζεριάζεις – πειράζει όμως άμα αφήσεις τη μιζέρια να καθορίζει τη ζωή σου. Σου το λέει ένα (επίσης middle class) πρόβατο που φλερτάρει επικίνδυνα με τη μιζέρια τον τελευταίο χρόνο (αφού είδε όλα του τα επαγγελματικά όνειρα και τους κόπους χρόνων να πηγαίνουν στο καλάθι των αχρήστων). Εμείς δεν τα παραιτούμε. Απλώς θα κλαφτούμε και μετά θα ανασυνταχτούμε (έχουμε άλλη επιλογή;). Γιου ρουλ.

  2. mariou says:

    Ρε έτσι ακριβώς ένιωθα την προηγούμενη βδομάδα, καλά όι έτσι ακριβώς επειδή ευτυχώς εν εχώ καμιά σχέση με το ιατρικό επάγγελμα αλλά τέλοσπαντων γιου γκετ δε πόιντ. Πίεση, απογοήτευση, φόο τζαι ούλλα τούτα. Τούτη τη βδομάδα νιώθω καλύτερα, νομίζω εν οι επαναλήψεις του Χάρι Πότερ, ενιγουέι, ναι εννοείται δικαιούσε να θέλεις να κλαφτείς τζαι εννοείται ότι εν χρειάζεται να σου δώκει κανένας συμβουλές, φαντάζουμε ότι συμβουλές ξέρεις τζαι συ να διας του εαυτού σου, το θέμα είναι να τες ακολουθήσεις.
    Τσιαρς ρε!

  3. marilou says:

    jesus en polla periploko to na su afikw comment
    mariLou ithela na valw, oi mariou ouffuuuu

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